I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul. (Psalm 142:4 – KJV)

A young lad awoke in the night terrified. Running to his parents room, he crawled into their bed between them. “Son, what’s wrong?” his father asked. “Daddy, I’m scared!” the son replied. “Son, don’t you know that Jesus is with you in your room?” queried the concerned father. “Yes, Daddy,” the frightened boy said. “I know Jesus is there with me. But right now I need somebody with skin on.”

Have you ever been in a place where you were convinced that nobody cared? Have you ever felt forced to maintain an outward façade that “all is well,” even when you were crushed, wounded, and dying inside? Have you ever gone through the motions, “doing the stuff,” watching God’s Power move mightily on behalf of others that you prayed for and ministered to, bringing deliverance and healing, and yet wondering within yourself, “Why isn’t this working for me?” Have you ever prophesied the word of the Lord to many in the house and then retired to the hotel crying out, “Is there not a word for me?” Have you sat and cried with those in distress, speaking life into a dire situation and later prayed in desperation, “Who will cry with me?” Have you ever been betrayed by someone you trusted with your life, and decided, “I will never trust again?”

Please know that I have been there. Many years ago, I allowed the pressures of ministry to begin to overwhelm me, spiritually, emotionally, and finally, physically. Outwardly to the entire observing world I struggled to maintain the appearance of “God’s mighty man.” Inside, however, I was a wreck. Someone might ask, “Why didn’t you go to somebody? Why didn’t you seek help?” I did. The first guy I went to and tried to open my heart just said in essence, “Get over it.” Some time later he betrayed my trust. Another fellow I approached dismissed the desperate struggle in my life as “no big deal.” But it WAS a big deal. And yet another to which I “unpacked my baggage” would have helped if he could. He just didn’t know how. Truly I was in a deep dark hole, feeling certain that “no man cared for my soul.” The Psalmist cried out that there was no man that would “know” him. I just wanted SOMEONE to know me. I just wanted someone to KNOW me. I just wanted someone to know ME.

“Refuge failed me.” It seemed there was nobody to trust and no place to go. While I was not suicidal, and would not have taken matters into my own hands, I prayed to die. Finally, unbeknownst to anyone around me, I contacted a dear friend in another state and arranged a job interview with his employer. Though he was perplexed at my request, my friend agreed to recommend me and endorse me for the job. Thankfully, it was an appointment I did not keep. How different would my life be today if I had quit back then? To the Glory of God, He arrested my steps, and I called and cancelled the interview.

Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. (Hebrews 13:17 – KJV)

God wants to build relationships in each of our lives in which we will be “safe” to be transparent and accountable. Yes, I know Jesus is the ultimate Shepherd of our souls. Yet He has appointed others to be in our lives, to stand in the gap and watch over us. Sometimes we all need somebody “with skin on.”

If I were to characterize this post-modern generation in general, I would offer that it is largely a “fatherless” generation. We can see the effects of that “fatherlessness” throughout every strata of our very broken culture. Sadly, it has permeated the Church as well in years gone by. When one of the most influential television evangelists experienced a moral failure that became very publicized, he was asked, “Why didn’t you go to someone for help?” His response indicates the state in which the Church has been. “Who do you go to when you are on top?” While there were certainly attitude issues in play here that needed to be addressed, the question remains, “Who DO you go to, when everyone is ‘gunning for you’ hoping to take you down so that they can smugly say they ‘knew it all along’?” Who do you trust? Who can you be transparent with? Who is willing to be a refuge for you? Who is willing to really KNOW you? Who cares for your soul?

And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse. (Malachi 4:6 – KJV)

I say this with no hesitation. The day of the flawed “performance driven” ministry model has come to an end! God is all about relationship! I am talking about genuine relationship, not the back-slapping kind, where nobody ever mentions the difficult issues that we all secretly have faced. God is stripping us of our superficiality and birthing a renewed authenticity in those that are truly hungry for His Kingdom Ways and His Kingdom Purpose. He is raising up FATHERS! This is not about who can build the biggest building or raise the biggest offering. God’s Plan for us goes far deeper, to the very depths of our being. True transformation is only occurring when it touches every aspect of our lives. Yes, we need instructors to impart information. Yes, we need mentors to impart method. But we MUST have FATHERS to impart BEING!

Please let me exhort and encourage you today. If you are younger in ministry, trust God to connect you with a true FATHER who will be willing to open his heart to you, embrace you, and KNOW you, allowing you to also KNOW him! “Dad” may not always have all the pat answers, but he will be there to hold your hand and walk with you through the difficulties that come your way. And his experience and wisdom forged by the years will be invaluable to you as you face the challenges that will certainly come.

If you are older in ministry you may have had wonderful “mentors,” but perhaps you never actually had a “father.” Pray for authentic accountability relationships where you can be genuinely transparent with no fear, in an atmosphere of total trust. YES, that kind of relationship DOES exist! Don’t allow hurt or betrayal from the past to build a wall of “protection” around your calloused soul. And, for goodness’ sake, don’t just look for someone to connect with that you think might be able to promote you or expand your platform. Choose GOD’S choice for you, and embrace the “father” that HE sends into your life! Only then will we begin to see the “curse” resulting from “fatherless-ness” broken in our lives, our families, and in the Church of Jesus Christ! Be Blessed!